July 29

It's been a rough couple of days. Mom has had a rough time coming back after her biopsy and has since again contracted the CDIF virus which will see her back on antibiotics and quarantined in her room for 14 days. Her spirits are poor and I can't blame her. The feeling of helplessness and her lack of independence are her two worst enemies currently.

This morning they are performing an ultra sound to check her gall bladder. She continues to have no appetite and has lost a lot of weight. Although her cognitive skills remain pretty sharp her inability to manage all of the information also leaves her very frustrated. It seems as if each morning brings with it a whole new set of issues and challenges.

I have gotten to know the nurses at the facility pretty well over the past few weeks and although they are concerned they remain positive that a positive outcome is probable. It is difficult to learn to trust those that are trained in these matters but I feel she is in good hands. We continue to ask questions and try to understand the circumstances but we are not doctors and need to rely on them to guide us. We want what is best for Mom and everyone has an opinion on what needs to be done which overwhelms me each day. Not having the answers seems to be my worst enemy. Juggling between so many doctors is also problematic. So many are involved and the medical sciences are not always exact so experimentation in diagnosis is sometimes all that can be done. Our chief concern currently is just getting Mom fed and strong while trying to help her maintain her sanity. She is frightened and helpless and it hurts that we cannot do anything about it.

Our follow up with the doctor who performed the biopsy is Thursday at 1:30. He has confirmed that what he removed was cancerous so now we need to find out what happens next. There was no widespread areas and he called it local not invasive. The waiting game continues.

We are all doing as well as can be expected. I am so proud of Dad and his ability to cope with these difficult times. Dad, I hope you know what an inspiration you continue to be to me and to all of us. It is of comfort knowing that we are all together for this and although we did not wish these circumstances we will take the trip together and do all that we can to help each other out. We all struggle with the task of managing our current responsibilities and doing what we can to try and comfort and watch over Mom. We will follow your example.

So far we have all been pretty good about taking care of ourselves as well. We are no good to anyone if we ourselves are not up to the task and it's important that we find ways to ease our own minds. I can't remember a time in my life that I have prayed so much. It's hard to clear the mind at times from all thats happening with Mom, work and life. Prayer and meditation certainly help.

That's the latest. We have a lot on our plates for the rest of the week as we continue to play the waiting game. As always, thanks for all the love and support. It means the world to us and know that we all love you too.